- IKARA COLT - CHAT AND BUSINESS
- KANO - HOME SWEET HOME
- MS DYNAMITE - A LITTLE DEEPER
- THE VINES - HIGHLY EVOLVED
Friday, 11 June 2010
Charity Shop Soundsystem - Update 11/06/2010
Today I picked up four new additions to my bargain bin CD collection, courtesy of a charity shop in Hackney. This outlet's quite vast selection featured such names as Clock (Abhorrent 90s Europop outfit responsible for awful guff such as "Whoomph! (There It Is)" and a cover of Blame It On The Boogie) and dad-rock legends Toploader. I decided to leave these two abominations on the shelf and pick up these four instead.....
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Big Brother as it happens.
9.04pm - So here we are. The end of an era. The last series of the parade of screeching, obnoxious, fame-hungry, desperate, thick imbeciles shitting away the last dregs of diginty for three months so, the end result being a smattering of PA appearances in low-rent nightclubs. Should be a rollercoster ride.
9.06pm - Davina introduces the gaggle of idiots hoping to take up residence in the house.
9.09pm - Davina has entered the house. The diary room chair is modelled to resemble angel wings, and is a vulgar as it is cheap. In the garden sits a bizarre wooden egg. Davina is impressed by the pretty unicorns and fairies.
9.12pm - A strange cutaway segments documents the story of a tree which is now a chest of drawers, which was far too uninteresting to elaborate on.
9.13pm - the first housemate is.... JOSIE! A 25 year old blonde who sounds and looks like Soccer AM's Helen Chamberlain. She seems to like animals and grew up on a farm. She seems to be on the good side of ditzy. She enters the house by screaming repeatedly and jumping around like a lunatic, which should stand her in good stead for the series. She seems vaguely likeable.
9.17pm - Next is STEVE! Now, I noticed him sat in a wheelchair right at the start and said to myself "he's going in the house" and I've been proved right. The cynic in me can't help but think BB chose him because of his disability. I missed the bulk of his intro, but I think he said he lost his legs at war. A beefy, tattooed 'geezer' type, he seems like a genuinely nice fella, as he enters the house in a side door via the diary room. It's unclear whether Josie started screeching like a banshee upon Stephen's entrance or if she hadn't stopped screeching in the five minutes since she entered the house. My money is on the latter.
9.24pm - Adverts. That Carling ad for the World Cup is so horribly trite.
9.28pm - I've just missed the intro for BEN! but what I see is an impossibly posh toff bastard RAH RAH RAH. I'm suprised Ben is available to appear in BB because I was under the assumption he was LITERALLY IN BURMA. Davina just asked some bellends in the audience what they thought, they responding by hollering like morons.
9.30pm - Number 4 is BEYONCE! Not really, it's Rachel. 15 seconds after I wrote that, she revealed she is infact a Beyonce impersonator, although I think she would have more success as a double for Miquita Oliver. She recieves the expected chorus of BOOOOOOOOO!, as most attractive people entering the house usually do.
9.34pm - NATHAN! is next, a dour looking northen monkey who describes himself as a "Jack the Lad", whch automatically makes him a massive prick, which his intro confirms. His crowning glory seems to be the width of his forehead. The thick working class moron gets cheered by the crowd of thick working class morons.
9.38pm - Ads again. It's as to be expected so far, the usual gaggle of airheaded floozies, inspiration stories and pampered poshos who have been selected for the specific goal of creating as much conflict as possible. I just spotted Mr T in the group of hopefuls. I pray to god he doesn't get in because he is clearly a cunt.
9.42pm - Here comes DAVE!, whom I assumed was a lesbian female until he opened his mouth. Oh my God I hate this man. Apparently he used to be a deadbeat druggie mess until he found the man upstairs. He keeps giggling in a really fake way, the kind of giggle people do in sitcoms when the crazy laughter turns in an instant to sobbing uncontrollably.
9.46pm - "I have a huge hunger to be successful" says walking pair of tits CIOMHE!, whose name could well have been chosen by her parents mashing a typewriter with an open palm. Upon admitting she flirts with girls, the BB producer conducting the interview shoots her down superbly, decreeing her an "attention seeker" which she denies. She seems like a dullard.
9.48pm - GOVAN! looks 12 years old. He looks genuinely mortified at his boast of having "a big dick" as he enters the house at quite a speed which is because he is dying for a piss, running to the bathroom before he's even said hello to his housemates.
9.54pm - No one stands out in the irritating bastard stakes yet. Of course, this will not last.
9.56pm - Another one I saw earlier and thought would be selected, SHABBY! is like Oliver Twist and Angus Young's ADHD-riddled lovechild. Shabby because she "looks like shit", she brags about getting "loads of poontang." There be the source of conflict in the house, I reckon. Her general personality, not her lesbianism.
9.59pm - Next up is IFE!, a singer/dancer/performer who spends most of her intro bragging about how successful and beautiful she is. Little Miss Beyonce looks genuinely offended at every female who enters.
10.03pm - Walking Topshop mannequin JOHN! now, who flew for 23 hours from his homeland of Australia to audition for the show. He thinks he looks like David Beckham, which is false. I'm predicing that this hunk of beef will spend 93% of his time walking around with no shirt on, and the other 7% spent lifting his shirt off. Like Beyonce, Ben has a face like a slapped arse every time someone walks in the door.
10.06pm - Preposterously named SUNSHINE! is hateful in a thousand ways. Her whole life seems to revolve around convincing everyone how WACKY! and ZANY! and KOOKY! she is in order to compensate for how bollock-achingly dull she is, hence the vow that she will never eat a kitten, her favourite pasttime of sticking shiny things on her possesions and indeed the name Sunshine. A genuinely crazy person would have changed their name to Juggernaut or Vaginismus or something. Contemptible bitch.
10.10pm - CORIN! says she is 28, which she is not. A mahognay skinned Jordan-alike with a voice that only a deaf person could love. One also suspects that is not her natural skin colour, unless mahogany sideboards and leather saddlebags have discovered a way to copulate.
10.13pm - Davina just hinted at A SHOCKING TWIST! which will probably not involve anything shocking whatsoever. There is a disgusting pink & black cybergoth cunt in the crowd that shouldn't even be allowed to leave her own house, nevermind enter this one.
10.18pm - OOOHHHH! A TOMBOLA. BB, YOU'VE SURPASSED YOURSELF! I reckon it'll feature the names of ex housemates, as the rumours have suggested. Davina just made a terribly unfunny pun about looking at balls. Fuck off Davina.
10.19pm - Oh, I was wrong. Out of the tombola came the name MARIO, a guring excitable imp who looks pretty bewildered at the whole event. "Hello, whoever you are!" says Big Brother, a moniker he should get used to. Mario has been given some tedious mission involving being a mole, the announcement of which was generally drowned out by whooping idiots. And Davina.
10.26pm - Mario is a mole, which naturally means he has entered the house dressed as a mole because otherwise the task would not have been clear enough for viewers.
Fin.
9.06pm - Davina introduces the gaggle of idiots hoping to take up residence in the house.
9.09pm - Davina has entered the house. The diary room chair is modelled to resemble angel wings, and is a vulgar as it is cheap. In the garden sits a bizarre wooden egg. Davina is impressed by the pretty unicorns and fairies.
9.12pm - A strange cutaway segments documents the story of a tree which is now a chest of drawers, which was far too uninteresting to elaborate on.
9.13pm - the first housemate is.... JOSIE! A 25 year old blonde who sounds and looks like Soccer AM's Helen Chamberlain. She seems to like animals and grew up on a farm. She seems to be on the good side of ditzy. She enters the house by screaming repeatedly and jumping around like a lunatic, which should stand her in good stead for the series. She seems vaguely likeable.
9.17pm - Next is STEVE! Now, I noticed him sat in a wheelchair right at the start and said to myself "he's going in the house" and I've been proved right. The cynic in me can't help but think BB chose him because of his disability. I missed the bulk of his intro, but I think he said he lost his legs at war. A beefy, tattooed 'geezer' type, he seems like a genuinely nice fella, as he enters the house in a side door via the diary room. It's unclear whether Josie started screeching like a banshee upon Stephen's entrance or if she hadn't stopped screeching in the five minutes since she entered the house. My money is on the latter.
9.24pm - Adverts. That Carling ad for the World Cup is so horribly trite.
9.28pm - I've just missed the intro for BEN! but what I see is an impossibly posh toff bastard RAH RAH RAH. I'm suprised Ben is available to appear in BB because I was under the assumption he was LITERALLY IN BURMA. Davina just asked some bellends in the audience what they thought, they responding by hollering like morons.
9.30pm - Number 4 is BEYONCE! Not really, it's Rachel. 15 seconds after I wrote that, she revealed she is infact a Beyonce impersonator, although I think she would have more success as a double for Miquita Oliver. She recieves the expected chorus of BOOOOOOOOO!, as most attractive people entering the house usually do.
9.34pm - NATHAN! is next, a dour looking northen monkey who describes himself as a "Jack the Lad", whch automatically makes him a massive prick, which his intro confirms. His crowning glory seems to be the width of his forehead. The thick working class moron gets cheered by the crowd of thick working class morons.
9.38pm - Ads again. It's as to be expected so far, the usual gaggle of airheaded floozies, inspiration stories and pampered poshos who have been selected for the specific goal of creating as much conflict as possible. I just spotted Mr T in the group of hopefuls. I pray to god he doesn't get in because he is clearly a cunt.
9.42pm - Here comes DAVE!, whom I assumed was a lesbian female until he opened his mouth. Oh my God I hate this man. Apparently he used to be a deadbeat druggie mess until he found the man upstairs. He keeps giggling in a really fake way, the kind of giggle people do in sitcoms when the crazy laughter turns in an instant to sobbing uncontrollably.
9.46pm - "I have a huge hunger to be successful" says walking pair of tits CIOMHE!, whose name could well have been chosen by her parents mashing a typewriter with an open palm. Upon admitting she flirts with girls, the BB producer conducting the interview shoots her down superbly, decreeing her an "attention seeker" which she denies. She seems like a dullard.
9.48pm - GOVAN! looks 12 years old. He looks genuinely mortified at his boast of having "a big dick" as he enters the house at quite a speed which is because he is dying for a piss, running to the bathroom before he's even said hello to his housemates.
9.54pm - No one stands out in the irritating bastard stakes yet. Of course, this will not last.
9.56pm - Another one I saw earlier and thought would be selected, SHABBY! is like Oliver Twist and Angus Young's ADHD-riddled lovechild. Shabby because she "looks like shit", she brags about getting "loads of poontang." There be the source of conflict in the house, I reckon. Her general personality, not her lesbianism.
9.59pm - Next up is IFE!, a singer/dancer/performer who spends most of her intro bragging about how successful and beautiful she is. Little Miss Beyonce looks genuinely offended at every female who enters.
10.03pm - Walking Topshop mannequin JOHN! now, who flew for 23 hours from his homeland of Australia to audition for the show. He thinks he looks like David Beckham, which is false. I'm predicing that this hunk of beef will spend 93% of his time walking around with no shirt on, and the other 7% spent lifting his shirt off. Like Beyonce, Ben has a face like a slapped arse every time someone walks in the door.
10.06pm - Preposterously named SUNSHINE! is hateful in a thousand ways. Her whole life seems to revolve around convincing everyone how WACKY! and ZANY! and KOOKY! she is in order to compensate for how bollock-achingly dull she is, hence the vow that she will never eat a kitten, her favourite pasttime of sticking shiny things on her possesions and indeed the name Sunshine. A genuinely crazy person would have changed their name to Juggernaut or Vaginismus or something. Contemptible bitch.
10.10pm - CORIN! says she is 28, which she is not. A mahognay skinned Jordan-alike with a voice that only a deaf person could love. One also suspects that is not her natural skin colour, unless mahogany sideboards and leather saddlebags have discovered a way to copulate.
10.13pm - Davina just hinted at A SHOCKING TWIST! which will probably not involve anything shocking whatsoever. There is a disgusting pink & black cybergoth cunt in the crowd that shouldn't even be allowed to leave her own house, nevermind enter this one.
10.18pm - OOOHHHH! A TOMBOLA. BB, YOU'VE SURPASSED YOURSELF! I reckon it'll feature the names of ex housemates, as the rumours have suggested. Davina just made a terribly unfunny pun about looking at balls. Fuck off Davina.
10.19pm - Oh, I was wrong. Out of the tombola came the name MARIO, a guring excitable imp who looks pretty bewildered at the whole event. "Hello, whoever you are!" says Big Brother, a moniker he should get used to. Mario has been given some tedious mission involving being a mole, the announcement of which was generally drowned out by whooping idiots. And Davina.
10.26pm - Mario is a mole, which naturally means he has entered the house dressed as a mole because otherwise the task would not have been clear enough for viewers.
Fin.
Friday, 4 June 2010
Makes you proud to be British.....
Today I literally had a "WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" moment whilst watching the news on ITV1. As is to be expected, the majority of the news centered around small villages in rural Cumbria, the area where, for the benefit of those who dwell under large rocks, a previously-nondescript middle aged man went apeshit and drove around shooting strangers and ex-colleagues in the face with a hunting rifle. All seemed normal thus far, the presenters rambling on in a soft, hushed monotone as they do when a tragic event has taken place. There was the usual roving reporters stood in the village square or in front of a police cordon telling of a community still in shock over what has happened. There was someone from the local community such as the vicar or a victim's cousin's friend's pet hamster being asked to describe the mood of the local community. This is all par for the course and is to be expected in such an event. What i didn't expect, or think was in any way a good idea, was to have a nine year old boy who had the misfortune to witness one of the victims get shot in the head go in front of ITV's cameras and be asked to recall his memories of the incident. Am I the only person who thinks it is blatantly exploitative to ask a small child to relive such an event for the sake of entertainment? And you've got this soulless heathen of a reporter goading this child into revealing more gory details to the point where you half expect him to ask how many pieces the victim's skull fragmented into upon impact. But this is the way the news is nowadays. The news isn't the news anymore. Like with any movie, any CD, any book, any TV drama series, any soap, we select whether we watch BBC News, ITV News, Sky News or CNN based on which station offers the most interesting narrative or the most outlandish statements. For example, if BBC News are saying things like "Derrick Bird was a quiet but friendly chap with no history of mental illness" and Sky News are saying "DERRICK BIRD TRIED TO CHECK INTO MENTAL HOSPITAL NIGHT BEFORE KILLINGS!" naturally you are going to gravitate towards Sky News' coverage because it is more interesting, more exciting, more entertaining. And that what TV news is these days. Entertainment. Look at all the fancy title sequences, look at how any two-bob celebrity is shoehorned into a news report to give their view on a subject they know fuck all about. It's all about who can say the same thing in the most entertaining way. And the eyewitness report of a nine year old boy is more entertaining than the thoughts of a fuddy-duddy old priest.
It also made me smile in a depressed, resigned kind of a way that, after the reports on this shooting had ended the next item on the agenda was the bombshell that England captain Rio Ferdinand had twonked his knee and was out of the World Cup, the news of which was delivered in the exact hushed monotone I mentioned earlier, the kind of patronising softly-softly voice which usually accompanies stories such as the one above. It says so much about the society we in Britain exist that the news of an athlete on wages of over £100,000 per week has picked up a recoverable knee injury is delivered in the same anguished way as the news that twelve innocent people have been murdered for no good reason.
It also made me smile in a depressed, resigned kind of a way that, after the reports on this shooting had ended the next item on the agenda was the bombshell that England captain Rio Ferdinand had twonked his knee and was out of the World Cup, the news of which was delivered in the exact hushed monotone I mentioned earlier, the kind of patronising softly-softly voice which usually accompanies stories such as the one above. It says so much about the society we in Britain exist that the news of an athlete on wages of over £100,000 per week has picked up a recoverable knee injury is delivered in the same anguished way as the news that twelve innocent people have been murdered for no good reason.
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
In Anticipation of 'Maya'.....
After a year spent looking after her newborn baby, Anglo-Sri Lankan controversy magnet Maya Arulpragasm, otherwise known as M.I.A, is to drop her new album, the name of which I think is Maya but is spelled in some bizarre stylized manner which makes pretty much no fucking sense. Two tracks from the album have been released to differing receptions.
Recent single XXXO seems to be another significant step on Maya's journey from underground guerilla-dance oddity to bona fide popstar, the tribal drums and piercing synths combine with her distinctive vocals to create a sound which would not sound out of place on a Britney Spears release. "You want me to be somebody that I'm really not" she hollers repeatedly on a chorus which after a few listens will stamp itself onto your brain and refuse to wash away. "All I know is you leave me wanting more" pines Maya, while also finding space in her story to plug household names such as Twitter, the iPhone and Quentin Tarantino.
Unlike XXXO, Born Free came complete with an accompanying video and in true M.I.A style, courted all kinds of controversy for its depiction of fatties having sex (oh, the humanity!) and the wanton torture of ginger children. For those who haven't viewed it, the video documents a group of hardcore military types rounding up young men of redheaded persuasion and dumping them in a remote desert, where they are ordered to sprint across a minefield. The video's biggest point of contention revolves around the consequences of one boy's refusal to comply with the orders, his punishment making for genuinely shocking and difficult viewing in a time when something genuinely shocking is hard to come by, what with the availabilty on the internet of, amongst many other things, videos of terrorists beheading innocent people in cold blood. Aurally, Born Free is as difficult to listen to as the video is to watch, it is a disorientating mix of marching drums, scattergun vocals and reverb-heavy riffs which seem to intertwine perfecty with the chaotic nature of the video. The fact that it sounds nothing like an M.I.A song is exactly what makes it an M.I.A song. Here is a musician who has never been afraid to experiment and throw something unexpected into the mix and Born Free ticks those boxes perfectly.
I was intending to embed the video, but I've just spent fifteen minutes searching for it and nowhere seems to have an embeddable version of it. Ah well. Here is a link to M.I.A's website where the video can be viewed in its entirety.
The new album drops on July 13th, but this date has changed frequently over the past few weeks so don't be suprised if this turns out to be bullshit. Producers on this album include Rusko, Diplo, Switch and Blaqstarr, which means that this promises to be some of Ms Arulpragasm's best work yet.
Check out M.I.A on Last.FM
Recent single XXXO seems to be another significant step on Maya's journey from underground guerilla-dance oddity to bona fide popstar, the tribal drums and piercing synths combine with her distinctive vocals to create a sound which would not sound out of place on a Britney Spears release. "You want me to be somebody that I'm really not" she hollers repeatedly on a chorus which after a few listens will stamp itself onto your brain and refuse to wash away. "All I know is you leave me wanting more" pines Maya, while also finding space in her story to plug household names such as Twitter, the iPhone and Quentin Tarantino.
Unlike XXXO, Born Free came complete with an accompanying video and in true M.I.A style, courted all kinds of controversy for its depiction of fatties having sex (oh, the humanity!) and the wanton torture of ginger children. For those who haven't viewed it, the video documents a group of hardcore military types rounding up young men of redheaded persuasion and dumping them in a remote desert, where they are ordered to sprint across a minefield. The video's biggest point of contention revolves around the consequences of one boy's refusal to comply with the orders, his punishment making for genuinely shocking and difficult viewing in a time when something genuinely shocking is hard to come by, what with the availabilty on the internet of, amongst many other things, videos of terrorists beheading innocent people in cold blood. Aurally, Born Free is as difficult to listen to as the video is to watch, it is a disorientating mix of marching drums, scattergun vocals and reverb-heavy riffs which seem to intertwine perfecty with the chaotic nature of the video. The fact that it sounds nothing like an M.I.A song is exactly what makes it an M.I.A song. Here is a musician who has never been afraid to experiment and throw something unexpected into the mix and Born Free ticks those boxes perfectly.
I was intending to embed the video, but I've just spent fifteen minutes searching for it and nowhere seems to have an embeddable version of it. Ah well. Here is a link to M.I.A's website where the video can be viewed in its entirety.
The new album drops on July 13th, but this date has changed frequently over the past few weeks so don't be suprised if this turns out to be bullshit. Producers on this album include Rusko, Diplo, Switch and Blaqstarr, which means that this promises to be some of Ms Arulpragasm's best work yet.
Check out M.I.A on Last.FM
Blood and Fire by The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster
The last we heard of psychobilly weirdos Eighties Matchbox, they had unleashed four-track EP In The Garden on an unsuspecting world, a short-but-fantastic package of rip-roaring garage punk which suggested that the band's next LP would have more in common with the frantic psycho-rock of 2002 debut Horse of the Dog than 2004's more calm and considered follow up The Royal Society.
Highlights are album opener and lead single Love Turns To Hate is an impressive starting post, featuring TEMBLD staples such as Guy McKnight's sinister vocals coming across like Nick Cave's evil dead twin, as he growls over snarling basslines and howling guitars. Mission From God opens with two seconds of gloriously screeching guitar and deathly drums before settling into the kind of disorganised chaos TEMBLD do so well. Under My Chin rumbles along as if posessed by Marilyn Manson, and Monsieur Cutts sees McKnight do away with singing and instead proceeds to howl like a psychopath for two minutes, a semblance of order restored by ferocious drumming. McKnight is clearly having the time of his life on Man For All Seasons, every line sounding like it is being uttered with an evil grin. Album closer Are You Living almost enters Arctic Monkeys territory with its indie-pop riff, until motorcycle engine guitars show up to provide the song with the kind of snarling angry chorus the band seem to conjure up so effortlessly.
Overall this album is a triumphant return, and is more of a relative of Horse of the Dog than of The Royal Society. Although it does sound slightly too polished in parts, it generally has the moody swagger to appease most TEMBLD fans.
Overall Rating - 8/10
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Charity Shop Soundsystem
In an attempt to make my life slightly less tedious, I have decided to scour the CD sections of charity shops, markets and other such vendors of unwanted shit with the aim of building a better than average collection, one which covers all musical bases and will be the envy of any self-respecting music fan. To start with I have decided to only purchase CDs by artists which I am aware of or have been a fan of in the not too distant past. My first few additions are as follows....
"So Fergie, about all that breasts inside that shirt....."
Wanker.
I'll be raiding the bargain bins in the near future in my quest to put together a CD collection which no one would be proud of, especially if the first five additions are anything to go by....
- Where is the Love by The Black Eyed Peas
"So Fergie, about all that breasts inside that shirt....."
- Bad Boy 4 Life by P.Diddy
Wanker.
- Let Me Blow Ya Mind by Eve featuring Gwen Stefani
- Perfect Gentleman by Wyclef Jean
- Kerrang! magazine's Sounds of 2002
I'll be raiding the bargain bins in the near future in my quest to put together a CD collection which no one would be proud of, especially if the first five additions are anything to go by....
Sunday, 23 May 2010
Some more songs I like.
LETHAL BIZZLE - POW!
Existing in the days before grime music won BRIT awards and sounded like Usher, Pow! is every bit as explosive as it's title suggests. A highly-charged combo of hand-claps, synth stabs and machine gun vocals come together to create a sound so energetic that many clubs were banned from playing the song, such was the level of hysteria it's arrival created.
GZA - FAME
Twisting the names of many an icon, the man also known as Genius tells a tale of, well, nothing much, but the sheer inventiveness of his lyrics mean that this track never ceases to amaze, especially in the bling & bitches world of modern rap music. A few of the play on names sound fairly ropey, but for the most part lines such as "Chris Tucker to a show, Ted Turner to a ho" and "Sean Combs through the evidence just to get a clue/with a needle from outta Eartha's Kitt" flow so smoothly one wonders how the likes of 50 Cent even have the nerve to release records when their shit is so embarrassingly inferior.
ICE CUBE - A GANSTA'S FAIRYTALE
Similar in concept to Fame, Ice Cube remiagines the cuddly characters of children's nursery rhymes as hookers, killers and dealers. Humpty Dumpty doesn't just sit on the wall, he smokes a joint and drinks some 8-Ball. The lady who lives in a shoe "sells dope out the front, round the back's a marijuana crew"and Snow White is shagging her dwarves. It's not big, but it is clever. And very funny.
TIMBALAND & MAGOO - COP THAT SHIT
In which Missy Elliott flows with more effortless swagger than any of her male counterparts, accusing her peers of "not having the bait that it takes to hook this" and informing the listener of her fresh-smelling nether reigons. And if someone ever brings up how weak Timabland sounds these days, play this and remind them that once upon a time Timbaland produced shit as amazing as this every day.
BUSTA RHYMES - LIGHT YA ASS ON FIRE
Back in the early-to-mid 2000s, The Neptunes were producers du jour for everyone from Britney Spears to Busta Rhymes, and it was with Busta that they produced this space-bass smut-fest. Backed up by production that will probably sound ahead of its time in the year 2519, Busta is in full-on deviant mode, seemingly transfixed by a young lady's behind, opining that she "probably needs a tractor just to carry that ass" and promising to "get deeper than a Navy Seal."
Existing in the days before grime music won BRIT awards and sounded like Usher, Pow! is every bit as explosive as it's title suggests. A highly-charged combo of hand-claps, synth stabs and machine gun vocals come together to create a sound so energetic that many clubs were banned from playing the song, such was the level of hysteria it's arrival created.
GZA - FAME
Twisting the names of many an icon, the man also known as Genius tells a tale of, well, nothing much, but the sheer inventiveness of his lyrics mean that this track never ceases to amaze, especially in the bling & bitches world of modern rap music. A few of the play on names sound fairly ropey, but for the most part lines such as "Chris Tucker to a show, Ted Turner to a ho" and "Sean Combs through the evidence just to get a clue/with a needle from outta Eartha's Kitt" flow so smoothly one wonders how the likes of 50 Cent even have the nerve to release records when their shit is so embarrassingly inferior.
ICE CUBE - A GANSTA'S FAIRYTALE
Similar in concept to Fame, Ice Cube remiagines the cuddly characters of children's nursery rhymes as hookers, killers and dealers. Humpty Dumpty doesn't just sit on the wall, he smokes a joint and drinks some 8-Ball. The lady who lives in a shoe "sells dope out the front, round the back's a marijuana crew"and Snow White is shagging her dwarves. It's not big, but it is clever. And very funny.
TIMBALAND & MAGOO - COP THAT SHIT
In which Missy Elliott flows with more effortless swagger than any of her male counterparts, accusing her peers of "not having the bait that it takes to hook this" and informing the listener of her fresh-smelling nether reigons. And if someone ever brings up how weak Timabland sounds these days, play this and remind them that once upon a time Timbaland produced shit as amazing as this every day.
BUSTA RHYMES - LIGHT YA ASS ON FIRE
Back in the early-to-mid 2000s, The Neptunes were producers du jour for everyone from Britney Spears to Busta Rhymes, and it was with Busta that they produced this space-bass smut-fest. Backed up by production that will probably sound ahead of its time in the year 2519, Busta is in full-on deviant mode, seemingly transfixed by a young lady's behind, opining that she "probably needs a tractor just to carry that ass" and promising to "get deeper than a Navy Seal."
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