In an attempt to make my life slightly less tedious, I have decided to scour the CD sections of charity shops, markets and other such vendors of unwanted shit with the aim of building a better than average collection, one which covers all musical bases and will be the envy of any self-respecting music fan. To start with I have decided to only purchase CDs by artists which I am aware of or have been a fan of in the not too distant past. My first few additions are as follows....
- Where is the Love by The Black Eyed Peas
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, Will.I.Am, Fergie, the one that looks like a lizard and the other one were not purveyors of bleep-ridden space pop, but wanted nothing more than to save our fair planet and rid it of such evils as war, poverty and racism. "Infecting childrens minds faster than bacteria" commented Will.I.Am, as he laments how the youth of today are being dumbed down by the constant cycle of violence and sex in the westeren media. It's worht mentioning that Will.I.Am's concerns didn't last an awful long time as a couple of years later he and Fergie-Ferg debated on My Humps about how to make best use of "all that breasts inside that shirt", a song which laughs in the face of both childhood innocence, and indeed grammar if that line is anything to go by.
"So Fergie, about all that breasts inside that shirt....."
- Bad Boy 4 Life by P.Diddy
"I'm the definition of half man half drugs!" proclaims the artist formally known as Sean Combs. It is unknown how much truth there is in this outlandish claim, but one gets the feeling he was not intending to be taken literally. A bass-heavy guitar hook keeps this track interesting, and the big-budget video features 'comedy' actor Ben Stiller.
Wanker.
- Let Me Blow Ya Mind by Eve featuring Gwen Stefani
Rapper/Actress Eve teams up with a pre-solo superstardom Gwen Stefani in this laid-back effort. Produced by Dr Dre, Gwen and Eve do a fine job of sounding like two ladies you would not want to run into on a Saturday night, and the video sees the pair causing all kinds of trouble at a formal party, with the rich white folk less than impressed at the sight of a couple of booty bitches. Also, does Gwen Stefani actually age? Or has she looked the same since she was a child? The woman barely even looks real most of the time, she is like the worlds most irritating porcelain doll.
- Perfect Gentleman by Wyclef Jean
Before he joined the Black Eyed Peas and changed his name to Will.I.Am, ex-Fugee and the world's most famous Haitian Wyclef Jean had a fine line in upbeat dance-pop, this being the highlight. In this one, Mr Jean has fallen for a pole-dancin' skank and wants nothing more than to take said skank and "e-e-e-eeeelope to Meh-eh-ehhhhhico", the tale told over a sunkissed synth hook and booty-bouncin' rhythm.
- Kerrang! magazine's Sounds of 2002
I could not resist picking up this collection of bands which veteran rock mag Kerrang! (The ! is silent) thought would shape the musical landscape of 2002. The track listing is a mix of god-awful shit that inexplicably went on to be very successful (Nickleback, Biffy Clyro), vaguely well-known bands who also had a fair amount of success (Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Hives, Killswitch Engage) and a lot of other bands which never reached the heights Kerrang! predicted for them. Andrew WK pops up with a song called It's Time To Party, and yes, it sounds exactly the same as Party Hard, although obviously about a hundreth as good.
I'll be raiding the bargain bins in the near future in my quest to put together a CD collection which no one would be proud of, especially if the first five additions are anything to go by....
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