As per usual, I cannot afford to get to any of the major festivals this year, which irritates me greatly. But which field would I be pitching my tent in if my financial situation wasn't completely dire? Here are a selection of the major UK festivals and their headliners...
The big daddy of UK festivals, Glastonbury is entering its 40th year of mud-infested debauchery, and features a line-up sure to annoy knuckle-dragging imbecile Noel Gallagher, infested as it is with non-guitar playing interloper Snoop Doog. Gallagher has so far failed to pass his judgement on Tha Doggfather's inclusion. I imagine the reason for his silence has something to do with how badly his criticism of Jay-Z backfired a while back, with Jigga recieving a huge ovation from the Glasto crowd, the hightlight being his [admittedly ropey] cover of tedious Oasis track Wonderwall. Glasto organisers Michael and Emily Eavism, unlike Gallagher, do not live under a rock and know full well that in the year 2010, hip-hop belongs in the mainstream just as much as tiresome pub-rock. It was a tough task to find a name bigger than Jay-Z, but in Snoop Dogg they have found a worthy successor.
Joining Snoop on the Pyramid stage are [among many others] pompous douchelord Bono and the rest of U2, East London' finest, Dizzee Rascal, confirming, as if confirmation was needed, that he has graduated to the top table of UK music, soul legend Stevie Wonder, guitar hero Slash and pretentous space-rock prog rockers Muse. Personally, I would be more enamoured with witnessing Mos Def [Friday, West Holts] A1 Bassline [Annie Mac's Opening Party on Thursday] Rusko [Friday on the West Dance Stage] and Foals [Saturday on the Jon Peel stage]. But this is the beauty of Glastonbury. Every single taste in music is catered for, such is the sheer scale of the event. Personally, if someone were to offer me tickets for every festival of the summer and tell me I had to pick one, I would beat them down and take all of them, keep the Glasto one and put the rest on eBay, because you seemingly cannot possibly not find something to enjoy.
The headliners of this year's R&L are incredibly hit and miss. I'm sure there will be a lot of people excited about Guns n Roses, but personally I would have no interest in seeing a washed-up Axl Rose and a group of musical mercenaries. Ditto Blink 182, a band I didn't really much care for back then and I certainly don't much care for now. Canadian eccentrics Arcade Fire are also here, along with vile pop-metal irritants Paramore, the excellent Queens of the Stone Age and recently-reformed British rock royalty The Libertines. Further down the line-up there is a mini 90s revival taking place revival theme with Limp Bizkit, Weezer, Cypress Hill and NOFX all making an appearance on the main stage.
On the NME/Radio 1 stage [there are 2 brands which send a shudder down one's spine] we have a suprisingly good line up, my personal highlights being Godlike Genius [in my eyes anyway] Serj Tankian, new-rave progenitors Klaxons and bleep merchants Crystal Castles. Pendulum, as disagreeable as their more recent material has been, are worth a look if not just for when they play the Hold Your Colour-era tracks, Foals are riotously enjoyable live and Kele Okereke's solo material may be worth a listen.
Would I pay the really quite lare asking price for a ticket to Reading or Leeds? If I were to base my decision solely on the quality of the musicians on show, my answer would have to be no. For me, the line up is just not good enough to warrant such a large amount of my hard-earned being handed over.
V festival has always been seen as a corporate-centric event, more suitable for families and children than the more hardcore festival experience of Glasto or R&L. This attitude is refelected in the line-up, the names of which are regular fixtures in the nation's music charts. While the last couple of years has seen their musical output decrease markedly in quality, Kings of Leon would still be worth a look on the strength of their earlier work. Along side them are Kasabian, who like KoL have evolved into one of the biggest names in the UK music industry [I know KoL are American, but they are still pretty huge here]. Most of the rest of V Festival is sadly choc-a-bloc with rock/pop drudgery, such as Stereophonics, The Kooks, Scouting for Girls and Editors. Florence and her relentless money-making Machine may be worth a look, as will Robyn and..... ummm..... nope, that's it. Not a single other name catches my eye here. As I said, V Festival reads as who's who of British pop music of the past year. Mika, La Roux, Kate Nash, Sugababes, Pixie Lott etc. It's just not very interesting to me. And certainly not worth the asking price. As i said, one for families looking for a nice day out. And there is nothing wrng with that. It's just not for me.
Featuring a more hip-hop centric line up than most, the big names being Snoop Dogg, Jay Z, Missy Elliott and D12 alongside other names from the pop and rock world such as Pink, Lily Allen, The Gossip, The Ting Tings and Friendly Fires. Slightly leftfield inclusions include pop-punk Americans Bowling for Soup and Slash.
For 2 reasons, Wireless would be my festival of choice out of these events. One, Missy Elliott. I love Missy Elliott too much to not go to this [but I'm not, so that kinda defeats that point..] and two, the location [Hyde Park, London]. And the prices aren't too shabby either. Of course, you aren't getting as much as you would at many of the bigger events, but that is reflected in the sigificantly cheaper price for a weekend-long stay [£105].
Catering mainly for the danceheads among us as well as a big emphasis on art, Glade is one of the up and coming festival experiences that the UK has to offer. This year's musical treats come courtesty of electro stalwarts Simian Mobile Disco, Drum & Bass legend DJ Zinc, Dance veterans Orbital and rip-hopping Bristolian Tricky. Alongside the music there will be theatre performance art and much more besides, making this an attractive proposition if you are looking for an alternative to being knee-deep in mud and getitng your shit stolen from your tent.
Personally, glade isn't something I would be interested in, mainly because I don't have enough of an interest in both the art side and the music side of what they are offering. And the price, £125 for the weekend, I feel is slightly too much considering what is on show.
Of the festivals I've covered, I would have to plump for Wireless, the reasons being the low price and the location. As it is, I will probably have to plump for none, and sit at home while everyone else enjoys the great music and what not. Fuckers.
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