Love Hackney

In the past few months, these things have happened in Hackney, where I work;

• On my day off last week someone in my place of work, a customer, saw a smart looking satchel-cum-briefcase type thing lying around, and sensing it may be holding a laptop, picked it up and fucked off. They then returned later, saying that the bag contained no valuable electronics and was infact full of paper and documents so they didn't want it.

• Just today, a bizarre looking drunkard wandered into my shop and shouted "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BLACK SHIT" in a shop of predominantly black customers. He asked me if he could use the toliet, but this man looked like a scabby vile junkie and was using some appaling language and his attitude was stinkin', so I lied and told him they were out of order. He countered by asking me "do you want me to piss in the corner of the shop?" and I told him I'd rather he didn't. He then levelled some more racist abuse at a Chinese man and left, telling me he would piss outside.
  

• A man asked me for change to put toward getting a taxi to the local hospital because he had injured his arm in a bike accident. Before i even had time to react [my reaction was to ignore him] he stood in front of me, rolled up his sleeve and showed me a gash which was about 5 or 6 inches long and very VERY deep. It's a goddamn miracle I didn't vom all over him, because it was fucking rank. The strange thing was that although his arm was mashed up, his sleeve and indeed the rest of his body were completely unharmed. And the wound was clearly quite old, what with the dried blood all over his arm and hands.

• A classy lady spat at me [but missed] because I couldn't change a £10 note.

• Another classy lady left faeces all over the floor and walls of our customer toilet.

• An elderly gentleman of Jamaican descent spent the whole day telling me that he was not black and I was colourblind and all black people were uncivilised dishonest thieves who should all be sent away on a boat which should be sunk in the ocean, and to achieve this he will be voting for the BNP.
  

All of these things genuinely happened to me in the past few months. You can say a lot of things about East London, but you could never call it boring.