What did Missy Elliott ever do to you?

I've developed a slight obsession with an album on Spotify. It's a Missy Elliott album, in a way. Have you ever walked into a £1 shop and heard the music they tend to play? It's well known music, but re-recorded by some tone-deaf cretin for tedious copyright reasons. Well, this Missy album is basically just that. 'A Tribute to Missy Elliott' is the name, and although it is intended as a tribute it's difficult not to think that Missy has somehow wronged these people and this butchering of her finest musical moments is their unintentionally hilarious form of petty revenge.

The performers on show give the impression that they had no idea about what rap music actually is and are trying to pick it up as they go along. Seemingly, they've taken the assumption that rapping is basically just talking in an accent, which is obviously not the case. Speaking of accents, there are some utterly bamboozling dialects on show here, such as on the reimagining of Missy classic Gossip Folks, with a majority of the verses being delivered in a bizarre sort of Jamaican patois/Home Counties hybrid. Or on The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly), when on the line "Beep Beep! Who's got the keys to the jeep? VROOOOOMMMMM", the VROOOOMMMMM being delivered with all the gusto of a narcoleptic trapped in a pyramid scheme seminar. The rap in One Minute Man, originally performed by Ludacris, sounds like the kind of thing that might be churned out on some sort of documentary where a white, middle class MP visits a group of black youths in Hackney or New Cross in which he makes toe-curling attempts to be 'down wit da yoof' by trying his hand at being an MC. My absolute favourite moment occurs on Work It, arguably Missy's finest moment and arguably the finest moment of this so-called tribute. Those familiar with this song will remember the moment in the chorus where Missy promises to "Put my thang down, flip it and reverse it" which is followed by this line repeated in reverse. In the Missy Elliott tribute edition of Work It, the recording budget seemingly did not stretch to playing a 2 second section of the song in reverse, so instead what is heard is a literal interpretation of what it kind of sounds like in reverse. "ISSYOURFLIPANIPPAEVNERMEPPA" is literally what she blurts out, like some kind of demented psychopath.

If this is a tribute, I'd hate to think what would have happened if Missy had actually pissed these people off. Here is a link, in the rare event that anyone reads this/wants to listen to it. [You'll need Spotify on your computer to listen].